If you've ever had the joy of watching a match via the BBC web-site's Live Text service you will recognise sentences like that.
Unless you support a "big" club - when you get things like:
A little bit testy there between Jon Obi Mikel and Xabi Alonso. Things are getting less "continental" and more domestic. More eggs and bacon than croissants and coffee.
Jon Obi Mikel is in the wars tonight after a clash with his team-mate Didier Drogba. He is made of tough stuff and shrugs off the inconvenience of it. Drogba hobbles around a bit more than his fellow African before getting on with things.
Didier Drogba is getting involved after being fouled by Javier Mascherano. Not a good idea when you're on a yellow card with time running out. Get out of there and let a team-mate take their time over a free-kick.
Salomon Kalou is ready to come on. Oh no he isn't. The striker has put on the number 24 shirt which belongs to Shaun Wright-Phillips. He takes it off and looks to dig his own out of the CFC kit bag.